CATCH AND TELL

One of the major themes of BCT is that a satisfying relationship is based on each partner showing caring behaviors on a regular basis. The goal of Catch Your Partner Doing Something Nice is to have each partner begin to notice nice behaviors that his or her partner does for him or her already, since some of these gestures may be unnoticed. Noticing caring behaviors on a regular basis can help to alleviate some of the stress the partners may experience while increasing the level of caring within their relationship. This exercise will encourage the partners to engage in and notice each others caring behaviors.

roundtable discussion

The Round-Table Discussion is a forum that helps to: (1) illuminate strengths and weaknesses in the relationship, (2) determine whether BCT is an appropriate match for these partners’ needs, (3) communicate to the partners what strengths they have to build on and what areas of their relationship BCT can help them improve, and (4) allow partners the opportunity to voice any questions or concerns involving their participation in BCT.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

It is common for people to misunderstand, assume, or filter messages being sent from others. This is particularly true when two people are discussing an important or sensitive topic from opposing viewpoints. During communication, particularly emotionally-charged communication,
partners must learn to check their perceptions of the message and make sure their perceptions match the speakers’ intent.

• SPEAKING DIRECTLY USING "I" MESSAGES
• MIRRORING:

  • PARAPHRASING: The listener should state back to the speaker the words and feelings he or she heard the speaker say. This is the first step in making sure that the message received by the listener was the message intended by the speaker. The listener should use the following formula to begin Mirroring the message back to the speaker: “What I heard you say was…”
  • CLARYFING: In the second step, the listener asks for clarification about the paraphrasing he or she has just done. If the speaker indicates that the listener has not fully understood the major parts of the intended message, the speaker should make another attempt to send his or her message, while the listener continues to paraphrase. This continues until the speaker states that the listener has heard him or her correctly. The listener should state: “Is that right?” or “Did I get that?”
  • ELICITING: Once the speaker confirms that the listener has heard everything correctly, the listener should ask if there is more that he or she would like to talk about regarding the discussion topic. This should continue until the speaker feels like he or she has been heard by the listener. Then, the listener becomes the speaker. The listener should state: “Is there more?”
• VALIDATING: Validating the speaker’s position shows that the speaker’s thoughts and ideas make sense to the listener and that his or her feelings are valid. To be very clear, Validating is not agreeing with the speaker, but conveying an understanding about how the speaker thinks and feels.
• EMPATHIZING: Empathizing allows the listener to recognize his or her partner’s feelings in order for the partner to feel truly heard and understood. Based on what he or she has heard, the listening partner should imagine what the speaker is feeling and say to him or her: “That must make you feel…"